I recently read a blog post in WPVI’s “Parenting” blog section by 6ABC news anchor Monica Malpass about family size and deciding whether to grow your family. It focuses primarily on the research of Dr. Alan Singer, author of “Creating Your Perfect Family Size.”

The research – which has not been published on either Dr. Singer’s website or on 6ABC’s blog – asserts that many people have children or increase their family size for reasons that lead to dissatisfaction and marital/familial unhappiness, such as:

• to please parents by providing grandchildren,
• to have a “best friend,”
• or because you think having a “mini-me” will be fun.

The 6ABC blog also cites a recent Pew Research poll, which states that marital satisfaction drops with each child you add, and parents with large families often seem to regret it. Dr. Singer also notes, on a video on his website, that surprisingly, faith did not change the results of the research.

I found this surprising and am very curious to learn more about what population was surveyed, what the control group might have been, and when/how the respondents were surveyed, in order to learn whether the survey methodology impacted the results (which is often the case with research methods). So, while my gut suspects that the research is in some way statistically biased, until I can prove that with concrete evidence, I have to be supremely disappointed in society in general that people would even consider having children with such selfish reasons in mind in the first place, or that satisfaction or even joy in having children can be changed by their disposition, health, or abilities.

I’d like to suggest that perhaps having fewer children is not necessarily the answer, but changing the focus of parents is. Parents need to focus on their children, and raising them to be everything that God intended. And if God’s not your thing – well then raise them to be everything THEY want to be – not everything you want them to be.

Children are their own little people, and while it is our duty as parents to provide adequately for them and to guide and mold their actions and attitudes to be productive members of society, children are NOT in the world to satisfy parental (or grand-parental) whims or needs, or to fulfill a parent’s unfulfilled goals and dreams, or even to provide a playmate for an older sibling.

I personally believe that as Christians, we are challenged in God’s Word to both bear and raise children according to specific directions laid out in the Bible. I’ve seen times when raising children according to God’s plan has borne fruit, and I’ve seen where going against it can cause significant anger, heartache, and drama – not the fun or good kind.

Does having parenting challenges mean I’m not fit to have another child? Dr. Singer suggests that whether you are good at parenting should play a role in decisions to have more kids. I disagree – there are lots of parents out there who aren’t perfect, who don’t have the financial means to give their kids the latest trends in everything, and who sometimes choose the wrong parenting path. I’ve met many large families that are nowhere near perfect based on the criteria laid out by Dr. Singer and the 6ABC blog, and yet they have strong, dynamic families with a great deal of love, joy, respect, and stewardship. While this evidence is solely anecdotal, I believe it bears consideration.

I’d suggest that if “research” shows that having a large family decreases marital or familial satisfaction, then there is some statistical bias in the research (perhaps not a random or representative enough sample?), or else there is some serious work needed to improve society’s take on why couples should have children and how to best raise them. For if adding the love of more children into a family produces stress, heartache, and marital division, surely it is not the fault of the child, but the mindset of the parents who view their children as a means to increase their own satisfaction.

Parenting is hard work and frankly, almost never easy. But if you have kids in order to love them and help them to grow into the best person they can be – the stress and hard work will yield joy and satisfaction beyond our wildest dreams. Psalms 127:3-5 says “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!”

So sorry, Dr. Singer, Ms. Malpass, Pew Research, and anyone who takes the selfish views about reasons for having kids that skewed the published research in the first place. I choose to believe in GOD’S Word and I raise my kids according to His standards. Perhaps if more parents did so, the research would reflect a different outcome.

So for the sake of our precious children, let’s all strive to walk the narrow road that leads to home …

So it’s almost Father’s Day, and I’m not sure this year how the day will go.

Not that this year is that much different than the rest; hubby is gainfully employed, I still have at least part-time work, and the kids are well-ensconced in camp and daycare while we work.

That said, the daily grind of a 4-hour daily commute for the last 18 months is catching up with my husband. Don’t get me wrong: we’re all truly grateful that he has full-time work. We know that many don’t in this age and there have been many times in the course of our marriage when he hasn’t been working. And despite this gratefulness, there’s a sense of frustration with the long commute and equally long hours that just never seem to let up.

This week was a great example: dear husband didn’t get home before midnight any day of the week – the work just doesn’t let up. And now with it being summer break from school, the kids are rarely up early enough to see him before he catches the train, and clearly with getting in at midnight or later, they don’t see him before bed either.

On weekends, there is some “re-acclimation” that occurs – different parenting styles and different expectation, coupled with a lack of knowledge about shifting routines and schedules seems to make “Daddy” feel like an outsider at times. And it makes him sad. And even a little angry.

So Father’s Day may pose specific challenges this year. How do we make Dad feel special, needed, and loved without altering expectations, routines, and the like? How do we honor him as the head of our home when so many days, that’s not an obvious role of his in the children’s eyes?

I was fortunate to find one little resource that I hope and pray will begin to help. It was an e-card from Dayspring – the Christian division of Hallmark – and uses footage from Sherwood Pictures’ upcoming film, Courageous. It was a really touching portrayal of what truly makes a man rich, and is a message I hope will touch my husband’s heart.

Beyond this special e-card and gifts he’s sure to enjoy, I realize that this may be a good day to re-emphasize to the kids the need to practice honor in our home. A great definition of honor that is short and easy for kids to learn and practice comes from the National Center for Biblical Parenting in their “Parenting is Heart Work” (compensated affiliate link) book, which states:

“Honor definition: Treat people as special, do more than what’s expected, and have a good attitude.”

Father’s Day is a perfect time to practice honor in our home, in order to show Daddy that we love him and appreciate his sacrifices for our family. Because working in a high-powered, high-stress, and long hour career as he does isn’t easy. But God made men as the protectors and providers for their families. And so, in taking care of us in this way, my husband also is walking the winding path on the narrow road that leads to home.

I’ve realized lately that it’s really a hard thing to teach honor to kids in today’s society. We live in a culture that is so lacking in true honor that kids have precious few role models to look to for truly honorable behavior.

This became especially apparent during my son’s Little League season this year. Now I admit, this season has been one of character-building in our house. Romans 5:3 says “because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.” Yes, we’ve definitely been building some character, and hopefully hope, in our house this season.

Let me explain.

Our oldest son started to play baseball last year. He played in a rookie league then, so not a lot of pressure. But this year, he played in the “regular” age-group Little League team. While he held his own last year and was a solid, middle-of-the-road player, this year has been far more difficult. The pitching is faster, so he rarely gets hits when he’s at bat, and he really only caught on to the coordination needed to throw well. Catching is hit-or-miss; the only thing he does solidly this year is field grounders. And yet, he rarely minds not doing well – our son has an uncanny ability to “shake it off” and just move on if he doesn’t do well, without losing his measure of happiness or joy in participating in the activity.

Off the field has actually been the greater challenge. In the course of a 10 or so week season, in addition to the simple challenges of trying to keep our son positive while not doing so well on the field, we’ve faced:
• the league losing our registration and not putting us on a team until after everyone else, and the coach therefore forgetting to include us on communications for the first month of practice
• an assistant coach who believes winning is the be all and end all and though he tries not to show it, he clearly doesn’t have a lot of time for the kids who aren’t stellar players,
• a team full of parents who also seem to think that winning is the most important thing, including ones that badmouth and openly dishonor their kids on and off the field,
• and league officials who miscommunicate about participation in volunteering events and persecuting our team parents and coach as a result of our “lack” of participation.

The entire season has just been full of challenges to overcome in as honorable a ways as possible. It’s presented some significantly sharp contrasts in how the world acts versus how I am trying to train my children to act, and I hope that the suffering, the challenges, and the perseverance have added to the seeds of character that we’ve been planting over the last seven years.

It would have been very easy to fall into worldly patterns of dealing with these issues. To badmouth the assistant coach who’s harsh to his players, to keep quiet when parents tell a poor, 14-year old junior umpire that his calls stink, or to lambast the league officials who posted a nasty sign about our team based on a miscommunication that we had nothing to do with. But these examples would have been the exact opposite of how I want to train my son to handle these situations.

But when it came to teaching my son, I worked hard to teach differently. I worked at following the guidance of a great organization that I recently became acquainted with: the National Center for Biblical Parenting. This is a group that stresses some principles that I have been advocating, but couldn’t seem to implement practically, for many years now. Most fundamentally, they emphasize softening a child’s heart to others and teaching honor is a fundamental parenting shift that is critical in raising God- and family-honoring kids. It’s not a behavior-based mode of parenting. It’s about learning about your child’s heart and teaching or training that heart to follow God and act with honor at all costs. More on this in later posts.

So last weekend, when our team’s parents were hollering at the ump on the sidelines because of missed calls and two assistant coaches were getting nasty over calls, rules, and plays, I encouraged our pitcher – who admittedly had a bad call leveled against him, but it was the ump’s call and since he is in authority, we had to respect/go with it – to just get out and strike out the next one. When I stood on the sidelines and said “that’s ok, let’s just strike out the next one,” I thought the parents were going to bite my head off. But oh well. I saw my son looking at all of us from the bench, and I was happy with the example I had set.

And in the next game when we lost (in a championship quarter-final game) and everyone was down in the mouth, not congratulating each other on a good game despite the loss, and barely went through the line to shake the other team member’s hands, I asked my son what he thought of this and what he thought the right thing to do was. He paused a minute, and said “I should go congratulate Ty [his friend on the winning team].” Now that’s honor.

It may take a long time and a lot of reinforcement, I think the notion of acting with honor is beginning to rub off. This baseball season has certainly had a number of chances for ALL of us to practice honor. I hope it puts my son on – and helps me to continue on – the narrow road that leads to Home …

I can’t believe how quickly we’re careening to the end of yet another school year! Soon the “true” dog days of summer will be upon us, with school ending and the kids having more leisure time to enjoy the outdoors.

It makes me wonder about apron strings.

Yes, apron strings.

It all started yesterday. With my husband out for the afternoon singing in a concert, I took the kids to the grandparents … we were going to get air in bike tires and kill some time biking and scootering in their low-traffic cul-de-sac. Now mind you, my first-grader had not yet fully mastered a two-wheeler. He had done it last summer, but wasn’t confident and not terribly interested in trying. He much preferred standing up on a two-wheeled scooter. Until yesterday …

Yesterday, my sweet little 7-year old finally “got” riding a two-wheeler. From the kick-off to stopping without falling, he’s off and riding. Which leads me to the apron strings, and my probable need to cut them shorter this summer.

I admit, the whole bike thing makes me nervous. With bike riding comes a huge amount of freedom that I just can’t tell whether my son is ready for. While I loved seeing the pure, unadulterated joy of wind in his hair bike riding, I worry about the “next step.” I know it’s coming one day soon … the day he wants to go riding by himself. Around the block, the neighborhood, wherever … I admit, it makes me nervous. This is my first-born, the one that I have to remind to “look both ways” before crossing the street to his bus stop because he just darts ahead, unaware of the dangers that lie ahead.

As a mother, I wonder about questions that have plagued mothers for centuries: have I prepared him well enough? Will he fall and get hurt? Lost? Encounter bad influences?

As I ponder these questions and prepare to cut the apron strings yet again in my little boy’s life I realize how important my faith – and his – will be to this lifelong process. As I prepare to give him a new piece of freedom – riding along on his bike – I realize that it will be with prayer and under the protection of God’s divine providence that I will let him go. And as he does, I can emphasize these same truths to him: that HE needs to pray and walk with God in order to stay safe and do the right things. I’ll be sharing in the coming weeks and months some resources I’ve recently discovered and strongly believe in that will help me prepare both of my sons to be the men God designed them to be.

So until we chat again, I’ll be encouraging my sons on continue their journeys on the narrow road that leads to home …

I was introduced today to an interesting little video: Divided: The Film by the LeClerc Brothers. It chronicles the journey of Philip LeClerc as he seeks to answer the question “Why do so many 18-22 years old from Christian homes leave the church entirely in early adulthood?”

Somewhat surprisingly, the short film seems to prove a phenomenon that I’ve felt and believed in my gut for years: that the push to put kids “into” Christian programs is backfiring — it undermines and usurps parental authority and it leaves kids with lots of fun and perhaps a few key verses/stories to cling to but no lasting model of how to live a truly Christian life. Worse yet — and this is a point I had never really considered — it truly goes against Scripture in terms of how it tells us to teach and train children.

Think about it … have you ever heard a verse that mentions teaching Christian children by sending them to the elders, putting them in a class, or letting them have fun with other like-minded kids? Not really. Granted, Jesus learned by sitting with the temple rabbis. But otherwise — how do Scriptures tell us to teach children? Exodus 6:7 shows God exhorting his people to teach the Ten Commandments diligently to their children, talking of them at all times of day and night and in every place that they go. Throughout the Old Testament we see directives to teach children within the confines of the family, and that they are to use that teaching as the basis for leading a productive life in society. Additionally, when early Christians made a commitment to follow Christ, we see that it was the commitment of the father that taught, guided, and even covered the rest of the household. Family is the most basic unit of society, and building strong families is a prime priority in effectively serving God.

So, if family is so critical to instruction and living an effective Christian life, then why are we pushing our kids into Christian schools, Christian education programs, youth groups and other similar programs – many times to the exclusion of family discipleship and devotion. While I don’t deny that these types of groups can be important and effective in helping to train young Christians in ways of the faith, I once again recognize all too keenly that it is parents that must play a primary role in the spiritual guidance and training of their children. Church groups that support and encourage parents and children can be effective when and if they come alongside of families to support them in their primary mission to teach children Christianity and how it orders and directs life. To disengage parents from the process, concluded LeClerc, results in children that deny or don’t recognize the relevance of Christ in their lives. Sad. Really sad.

It makes me once again re-evaluate whether or not I’m doing enough to instruct my kids in the ways of leading a Christian life. Am I leaning too much on the crutches of Christian school, Sunday School, and Children’s Church programs? What else can I do to be a more active participant in my children’s spiritual training? How can I impart more practical lessons about what leading the Christian life really means?

I’ll continue to work through how to best train my kids spiritually – whether it be proper attitudes of praise and worship on Sundays or glorifying God on the ball field as our team earns another shut out against a weaker team than my son’s, I’ll keep working hard at making sure they are learning all the things necessary to put them on the narrow road to home.

__________________________________________
Gen 18:18-19; Deut. 4:9, 6:6-8, and 11:18-21; Prov. 1:8,6:20, and 22:6

I’m continuing on in Wayne Muller’s “Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal and Delight in Our Everyday Lives,” and working through a chapter on the rhythm of creation. Muller discusses the cycles of growth and dormancy; life and death; sowing, pruning, and reaping that mark the cycles of both creation and life. He notes that so it is with our children – how each passing year brings a different type of care and nurture, from holding to teaching to letting go. Each cycle crucial, each important to not only recognize, but to savor and make the most of.

And so I got to thinking, how many cycles of “life” do we go through with our children? And as a P31-oriented mom, what do I need to cultivate in each?

It’s funny: I never noticed before that the only direct mention of children in Proverbs 31:10-31 is in verse 28 – “Her children arise and call her blessed …” It would seem that the P31 Woman’s indirect influence on her children is, in some ways, more important than what she directly teaches. Beyond her “watching over the affairs of her household,” (verse 27), we don’t see evidence of the P31 Woman teaching her children directly about either things of education or character. Do actions really speak more loudly than words?

Based on other areas of Scripture, I’m guessing this is not the case. So I ponder anew: what do I need to be pouring into my children? What phase of life am I in with my kids and what do I need to do to ensure that they grow in the Lord and as honorable, respectful citizens of society?

It feels like I’m in the midst of summer with my nearly 7-year old: carefully watching, tending, weeding and pruning to ensure that he’s “growing” into the kind of strong, Christian man I pray he becomes. We often talk about character qualities in the midst of everyday life, and I’m big on “teachable moments” that allow me to impart character wisdom to my smart little sponge of a boy.

And thankfully, I’m often rewarded nowadays with evidence that he’s starting to “get it.” Like in traffic the other day, when another driver cut me off, nearly hit my front bumper, and then blocked traffic so he could make a left out of a business establishment in the middle of rush hour and then flipped me off because I honked at him (since I thought he was going to hit me), my son promptly said “Mom, that is NOT how he should treat a lady! We let ladies go first and we are nice to them, right?!?” Way to go buddy – you’ve got it! “Yes sweetheart, he wasn’t too nice, was he? What would a better choice for him to make have been?” Bless my son’s heart: “He should’ve waited his turn, Mom. That wasn’t a nice way to treat a lady.”

And my almost three-year old … Ah, the terrible twos! We’re somewhere between fall and spring with him, just starting to plant seeds of character to a little boy who can hardly control himself! The best tool for him has been a great book that, although intended for my older son, seems to be of great interest to my littlest one. Titled “The Squire and the Scroll” by Jennie Bishop, this little gem of a book originated out of a need to teach boys Biblical purity, but extends to so much more! Filled with a magical land of knights and castles and dragons, even the pictures are compelling to my adventurous little boy.

Although he doesn’t yet have capability to grasp the lessons that this little book imparts, just growing a love for this awesome resource that will teach him as he grows is helpful as I seek to impart Godly wisdom to my littlest baby.

Are you parenting intentionally today? Are you cherishing and taking the greatest advantage of the rhythms of life that help to nurture your children? I hope you’ll keep walking with me as I strive to lead my kids – and any others that come under my influence – down the narrow road that leads to home …

You may have noticed the new widget on the bottom right of the blog – please bear with me as I try to get the spacing issues fixed. Anyhow, you now know that I am a member of a really cool book club called Bloom, started by Angie Smith (wife of Todd Smith from Selah), and her best friend Jessica Turner. These two great, Godly women have turned me on to some exciting books and topics over the last year or so and I’m excited to participate in their upcoming study of “Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal and Delight in Our Busy Lives” by Wayne Muller. The new topic really struck a chord with me when announced last night, and definitely feels like it is coming at a time when life is hitting “critical mass” for me. Here are some of my initial thoughts, prior to reading the book.

When God handed down his laws to the people of Israel through Moses, one of the primary commandments that shows how we are to be in relationship with God was that all people are remember the Sabbath by keeping it holy. Throughout history, Christians have debated about how we’re supposed to achieve a holy Sabbath, and how this day of rest is to be *adhered* to.

I think that as wives and moms, we often forget our Sabbath obligation to the One who is to be our first true love. More concerned with the here and now – whether our kids and spouses are well-fed, happy, and have everything they need for a successful and productive week, we rush through Sunday services with an attitude of “Oh my gosh, I need to get through this and get to the dozens of things on my to-do list at home!” Especially for those of us who work outside of the home, whether part or full time, taking an entire day to rest and relax in our God’s creation and all the goodness and blessings that he’s given us seems almost over-indulgent, doesn’t it?

And as a result, we find our worship somewhat hollow and empty, never quite filling the gnawing need for fulfillment within us. I know that more Sunday mornings than not, this has been how worship has been for me. I realize it in the moment, too, and ask for God’s calming presence – on both me and the boys! – so I can relax and enjoy the hidden gems of comfort and truth just waiting for me in a good morning’s worship. Instead I often find myself leaving worship frustrated and empty, because for another Sunday, my kids kicking each other, the ever-lengthening to-do list, and other priorities simply crowd my mind and take over. And now when facing a potential chronic illness that may be exacerbated by stress, a holy Sabbath seems to be the most necessary, yet completely elusive aspect, to EVERY, SINGLE week.

What’s a P31 Mom to do?!?

I think it’s an ever-increasing problem and one that there might even be a simple, albeit not necessarily easy to implement, solution to. I think it comes down to prayer, and planning.

Sounds easy, right? I thought so to. But with the enemy out to sabotage our every effort at true worship, making time for such rigorous weekly discipline may be more problematic than first thought.

So for this week, starting today, I’m proposing my own plan of attack. Starting this evening, I plan to add a PRAYER to help me keep the Sabbath in the week to come: that I may devise a sound PLAN to finish both my professional and homemaking work by Saturday, so that on Sunday I can truly rest and relax in and with God in His creation on Sunday. There’s a lot on my plate this week, so I’m not sure how it will turn out. But if I never try, will true Sabbath ever be achieved? And if I don’t set an example for my sons in this area, will they ever learn the true meaning – and enjoyment – of a rest and peace-filled Sabbath worship?

Join me, won’t you, as I seek to calm the mind and spirit, and rest in the peace and joy of the Lord as I travel down the narrow road that leads to home …

So I’ve been having a difficult week or two.

Reader’s Digest version: I had been having some strange bruising that I felt was “worse than a normal bruise.” So I decided to get it checked out. My doctor didn’t seem overly concerned, but did order bloodwork, which I had done a little over a week ago.

On the Sunday after, on the way home from church, I get an urgent call from my doctor:

“You need to get to an ER very quickly, there was an abnormal blood test result on Friday. It’s probably just a lab error, but if it’s not I need to know quickly. How fast can you get there: I will call ahead for you.”

Ok, this is clearly serious. For a doctor to call and say, basically, run – don’t walk – to your nearest ER, on his day off no less – not good.

So here I am, alone in the ER (my husband had to stay home with our kids, as one was sick with a fever and we had no one to watch them immediately.) Scary situation. This is not immediately life-threatening, but it is very dangerous: any episode of bleeding or heavy bruising can make the situation worse.

What I can’t get my mind around is: how would the P31 woman/mom handle this according to verse 23: “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at days to come.”

This is the only verse in Proverbs 31 that I can find about how to handle adversity – with strength and dignity and knowing that days ahead will bring laughter about the situation. I don’t think I was a mess in the situation on Sunday, but not completely sure I handled it with the grace and strength I’d have liked.

Let me explain.

First, I was probably a bit overly panicked. Each doctor I encountered reassured me that since we know about this issue, it is not life-threatening and they can fix or manage it. That said, the fact that they are having me follow-up with a hematologist (blood doctor) who is also an oncologist is NOT reassuring.

Quite the contrary, in fact.

Second, I was really ticked off at my husband, whose fear over this health development manifested itself as anger, which was primarily directed at me. I know that since I recognized his fear, I should have simply dismissed his anger, but I was really frustrated and hurt that I couldn’t depend on him for stronger support. Especially since he depended on me heavily when the situation was reversed and he had a critical health issue, and I think that while I had times of being angry at him as he convalesced, I believe I was overall more supportive in the face of this significant health crisis of his.

Third, I was –harboring anger towards another overbearing family member, who, in distress over my condition, told her best friend – not in private, but at a party in a room full of other people that I don’t know, and word spread quickly throughout the crowd. So much for privacy, eh? And, she wants to know every detail of everything going on – in triplicate.

Now, let me make clear: I understand people are nervous and concerned. That said: this relative too has faced significant health issues in the past five+ years. Not only did she “filter” much of the information she gave me and other immediate family (including her own mother), she did not share every detail of every doctors appointment, nor did she indulge in providing daily details about how she felt. I find her double-standard in this regard irritating at best and as extraordinarily frustrating at worst.

But should I be feeling angry? Would the P31 Mom/Woman harbor such anger? My guess is that she wouldn’t. But how does a woman conduct herself with dignity when those around her constantly do things that feel as though they strip dignity at every turn?

I’m not sure I have an answer. But I guess that I’m concerned about it shows that I’m trying to do the right thing and walk the narrow road, right?

If you have any answers as we journey together, I’m happy to hear your thoughts as we walk the narrow road that leads to home …

As somewhat of an appendix to my earlier post, I thought I’d elaborate somewhat on my dream for my sons to each have a core of strong Christian friends to rely on and walk with through life. I first thought about this as a result of some terrific song lyrics by Christian singer/songwriter Mark Schultz, which I think is a great mirror for my own hopes for my boys …

Cloud of Witnesses
by Mark Schultz

We watched them runnin’ down the aisles,
Children’s time, Sunday morning.
The preacher asked them who they loved,
They all smiled and started
pointing to their mom,
Their dad,
The teacher from the kindergarten class;
And each and every one
Had just become …

A cloud of witnesses
That would see them through the years
Cheer them with a smile
Pray them through the tears
A cloud of witnesses that would
see them to the end,
And shower them with love that never ends
A cloud of witnesses.

They stuck together through the years,
The best of friends faith could foster
So when they found out one of them
Had heard the news
He’d lost his father,
They ran to him
And prayed and put their hands upon his head,
And slowly one by one
They’d all become …

A cloud of witnesses
As they sent above a prayer
Took a hold of hands,
circled ’round a friend.
A cloud of witnesses with a
faith just like a rock,
They helped him give his father back to God
As a cloud of witnesses

So when it comes the time
Heaven calls,
They’ll come running
To see the ones who’ve gone before,

Ran the race and made the journey home
to find waiting for them at the finish line,
Cheerin happily
they will run
they will see …

A cloud of witnesses
Lined up on a street of gold
As they run the final mile.
That leads them to a throne.
And through the cloud of witnesses
They see God upon the throne.
And as they fall into His arms,
They know they’re home
in a cloud of witnesses,
Surrounded by a could of witnesses.

We watched them runnin down the aisles
Children’s time,
Sunday morning.

So sorry that it’s been a busy time: vacations, end of camp, prepping for and starting the school year. My posts have been lagging; I hope to do better in the coming weeks.

And yet, in the midst of minutia (uniform shopping, illness, supply shopping, vacation, shoe shopping – you get the idea!), a very real and heartfelt prayer has often escaped my heart and lips, and it is with regard to my oldest son. He just began his first “real” year of school, and my husband and I, along with our son, chose to return him to the private, Christian school he attended last year. It’s something we felt strongly about and not something I’m looking to debate – not today, at least!

But, one thing that’s been troubling us about our choice has been school mates for our son to play and bond with. One reason – at least, for me – in sending him to a private, religious school is the opportunity to make friends with similar belief systems as ours. The goal was to develop, over the course of years, lifelong friendships with kids that will build up, strengthen and encourage him throughout life. At issue: of the five boys in his K class at the same private school, none were returning in year two. There were a myriad of reasons: special support was needed for one, two relocated based on parents’ jobs, and two others made choices based on the struggling economy and personal circumstances. All respectable, understandable reasons. And yet, we worried as parents – would our son have a terrible year with no friends?

I personally prayed for many a sleepless night, wondering if sending him back was a good idea. In the end, it was his own, 6-year old voice in my head saying “I’d rather go to school and learn about God, mom. For sure!” [Thank you, Lord, thank you! Prayers for my baby to know you answered …] So we moved ahead with enrollment, praying all the while that other boys would enroll.

Again, my Lord is so good, so faithful! A week before school, dropping off paperwork at the school office, we get the news: not one more boy, but two! Three whole boys in a class of 11. We were thrilled! We sent our son back to school, confident that he’d quickly befriend “the new boys” and that everything would work out.

Fast forward to week two of school, back to school night. In chatting with the building principal, I learn that one boy has already dis-enrolled. What happened? I wonder … Run-ins with the other boys? Problems financially? What could possibly change so drastically in the first week of school to make parents pull a child out of school?!?

Air conditioning.

Yes, you read that right. Apparently the combination of two 90+ degree days and no air conditioning made parents of one boy decide that this high-quality, Christian school was not for them.

It got me to thinking – where are our priorities when it comes to our kids’ educations?

Of course, we all want them to learn to basics: but what child leaves the nest not knowing that 2+2=4 or how to read at a basic level? Even the worst students are generally able to master the basics. But beyond that, what do we want to instill in our children?

For me, some of the answers are perseverance, courage of convictions and integrity.

My son will begin to taste perseverance this year, as he pushes through in the classroom, even when his only other “buddy” is absent and he has no friends to partner, eat lunch, or hang out with. He will learn to stand by his conviction that Christian education really is best for him – even if school isn’t always as fun a place without many friends. And he will learn integrity in how to treat the friends he has, because each will seem just a bit more precious since there aren’t as many around.

And what will that little boy pulled from my son’s classroom learn this year? That it’s ok to quit when things are a little uncomfortable? That material or creature comforts are more important than growing in Christ? I pity the lessons my son’s former classmate might glean from this situation, and pray that God’s hand remains on this boy’s walk, and in his life.

What are your priorities and goals for your kids education? How can those be carried out in the midst of difficult circumstances?

I’m finding out the answers with the rest of you. As I see how the year unfolds, I continue striving to teach my son how to walk with me on the narrow road that leads to home …